A father was given a task by his wife to teach his intact son how to piss properly because she was getting tired of wiping his piss off the toilet and floor. When the opportunity came he confronted his son about the proper way to pee. He said son, “are you aware that there is a proper way to pee without spraying everything”? The son did not know and asked how. It’s a simple 7 step process and the father continued to personally show his son so he pulled out his cock and proceeded to give him a hands on.
he said,
One…lift the seat
Two…get your stuff out
Three…pull the foreskin back
four…aim and pee
five…pull the foreskin forward
six…flush
seven…put your stuff away
Now whenever they pass by the closed door you can hear him call out the steps every time he pees and doesn’t make a mess any more.
A Green Bay Packers Fan is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a
call on his cell phone.
He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks
for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has produced a typical
Green Bay baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but
the Packer Fan just shrugs,
“That’s about average back home, folks, like I said, my boy’s a
typical Green Bay baby boy.”
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations
of “WOW!”
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar.
The bartender says, "Say, you’re the father of that typical Green Bay
baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth.
Everybody’s been making bets about how big he’d be in two weeks.
So how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, “Seventeen pounds.”
The bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little suspicious.
“What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!”
The Green Bay father takes a slow swig from his Leinenkugel’ s beer,
wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and
proudly says…
The IRS sends their auditor (a nasty little man) to audit a synagogue.
The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and
says, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”
“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.
“Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?” he asked.
“A good question,” noted the Rabbi. “We actually save them up. When we
have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and
then, they send us a free box of candles.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question
actually had a practical answer. So he thought he’d try another
question, in his obnoxious way…
"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the
crumbs from the matzo?
“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi calmly, “we actually collect up the crumbs,
we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then,
they send a box of matzo balls.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.
“Well, Rabbi,” he went on, “what do you do with all the foreskins from
the circumcisions?”
“Yes, here too, we do not waste,” answered the Rabbi. "What we do is
save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them
to the IRS.
“To the Internal Revenue Service ?” questioned the auditor in disbelief.
“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi, “directly to the IRS …And about once a
year, they send us a little prick like you.”
Another forerskin joke regarding religious leaders:
The priest of a Catholic church, the minister of a Baptist church and the rabbi of the Orthodox synagogue all purchased new autos at the same time. Being an ecumenical bunch, they agreed that their autos should receive an initial blessing ceremony of some sort.
So:
The Catholic priest sprinkled his car with holy water;
The Baptist minister drove his car into a swimming pool long enough to get it wet;
The Jewish rabbi cut six inches off of his car’s tailpipe.
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal’s office. He was told to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his ‘private part’ hanging out. ‘I thought I told you to call your mum!’ she said. ‘I did,’ he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out until lunchtime, she’d come and pick me up from school.
Went car shopping for the first time. The saleswoman tried to sell me a vehicle that had a “RECIRC” feature button in it. I told her why would I want a car with a RECIRC feature button in it if I wasn’t CIRC’D to begin with!
DON’T YOU HAVE TO GET CIRC’D BEFORE YOU CAN GET A RECIRC?
I heard this joke 40 years ago as a senior in high school. Except that “foreskin” was shortened to skin.
The fellow who told it had a French mother like me, and he may have been uncut as well. I never knew because we never had PE together.
I did not let on to him that I was uncut. Too damn risky in those days of total circ hegemony.
A Texas cowboy is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell
phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks
for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a
typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new
baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the cowboy just shrugs, “That’s about
average down home, folks…like I said, my boy’s a typical Texas baby boy”.
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of “WOW”
were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender says, “Say, you’re the
father of that typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren’t
you? Everybody’s been makin’ bets about how big he’d be in two weeks. We
were gonna call you; so how much does he weigh now?”
The proud father answers, “Seventeen pounds.” The bartender is puzzled, and
concerned. “What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was
born.” The cowboy takes a slow swig from his long-neck beer, wipes his lips
on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly
says,…
Italy was upset when the statue of David was returned after a long tour in the US. They found that David was returned 100 pounds heavier and circumcised.
A surgeon retires from his long career as a specialist in circumcision. Through out his career he has saved hundreds of foreskins as mementos and now wishes to turn them into a souvenir. He takes his specimens to a leathersmith and asks him to make something out of them. A week later the surgeon returns and the leathersmith presents him with a wallet. “All those foreskins and you only made me a wallet?” exclaims the surgeon. The leathersmith replies, “Yes, but if you stroke it, it becomes a briefcase.”
Have you heard about the kid that was born last week. He was born with no eye lids. Apparently the doctors took the foreskin off his dick and made him eye lids. Yeah, now he’s cock eyed.
I heard this joke in college in the '60s. The guy who told it was cut, and everyone he was telling it to was cut except for me (I had seen them all in the showers). He began the joke by saying, “There was a little boy who was uncircumcised, and his father…” I was the only one who laughed, as I guess the cut guys didn’t get it. I did the whole moving-your-fist-in-the-air thing and they finally got it and chuckled a bit. I thought it was hilarious!
This is not a joke, but it’s a comment on Michaelangelo’s statue of David. Actually David (who is Jewish) is circumcised. It’s just that in biblical times only the overhang was removed – most of the glans remained covered. It was only in post-biblical times that it was changed to removing the whole foreskin. (Notice that David does not have a full overhang like is common in most art of Michaelangelo’s day.)
